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As the concept for the Ascent is essentially a seven-fifths-scale Forester with three rows of seats, it makes sense that Subaru would facelift the Ascent to more closely match the updated Forester’s styling. Now, the current Forester’s styling ranges from frumpy in standard trim to about as ugly as an open wound in Wilderness trim, [Editor’s note: It ain’t that bad. -DT] so messing with the Ascent’s design in such a manner seems almost like walking a tightrope in a white jumpsuit while holding two bowls of tomato soup....

I should mention that what I’m going to show you isn’t exclusively a Volkswagen affectation; there were other cars that did this, but VW has to have produced – by far – the most cars that did this. Here’s what I’m talking about: See that? It’s the fuel filler. And it’s right there, in the trunk. Beetles had the in-trunk fuel filler since the car was designed in 1938 until its first major and comprehensive update in 1968....

As the former owner of a 1976 Jeep DJ-5D postal Jeep similar to this one, I can say with authority that the vehicle is absolutely not a suitable platform for any performance modification whatsoever. Essentially a two-wheel drive World War II Jeep with a shed on top, the basic chassis layout is deeply flawed from the factory thanks to that narrow frame, towering body, hilariously short wheelbase, and high-ground clearance suspension made up of spindly little leaf springs....

It’s not even 5:30 here on the West Coast, but I’m calling it. Yesterday’s Shitbox Showdown was a 70-30 split; it’s clear that you all like Studebakers (and the band Devo, apparently). The 1976 Datsun 710 is also a worthy project, and many of you seem to agree, but we’re here to arbitrarily choose one car or the other, and yesterday that car was the 1962 Studebaker Lark. Anyway, let’s recap our four finalists of the week; since you’ve all had your say, I’ll throw in my two cents as I go through these....

But before we head north, let’s see how our California rides did: Yeah. That would be my choice, too. That V6-powered petri dish of a Chrysler minivan is the stuff of nightmares. The five-speed Ford Focus takes the cake. Now you just need to get a ride out to pick it up from Missy–I mean, Mom. [Editor’s Note: Luckily Mark provided me with a cheat-sheet for today’s pop-culture references. I’d have gotten the “Tru-Coat” one, but that’s all....

Welcome to The Morning Dump, bite-sized stories corralled into a single article for your morning perusal. If your morning coffee’s working a little too well, pull up a throne and have a gander at the best of the rest of yesterday. Florida Real Estate Agents Don’t Play I’ve moved about a dozen times since college and, therefore, have interacted with a lot of real estate agents. They’ve all had their different quirks and personalities, but the one consistent feature is drive....

Welcome to The Morning Dump, bite-sized stories corralled into a single article for your morning perusal. If your morning coffee’s working a little too well, pull up a throne and have a gander at the best of the rest of yesterday. There Might Not Be A Mark 9 Golf On The Way The Volkswagen Golf is more than a car, it’s a standard. Just as the Golf GTI is the archetypal hot hatch, the standard Golf is often a benchmark for every compact hatchback the world over....

The incident happened on April 2 in San Francisco’s Inner Richmond district, and was filmed with obvious delight by at least one onlooker: As you can see in the video, cops pull over a Chevy Bolt outfitted with Cruise’s roof-load of sensors, looking kind of like one of those fruit hats Carmen Miranda wore, but with the oranges and pineapples replaced with LIDAR domes and cameras. [Editor’s note: As is becoming all too common, I don’t understand this cultural reference....

But what about different brake lights for different purposes, say a standard illumination for when you’re slowing down and a super bright illumination for when you’re doing a panic stop and don’t want to become a Cadillac DeVille’s new hood ornament? Depending on what you drive, you may already have this rather wonderful feature. As with many other safety solutions from the three-point seat belt to the crumple zone, emergency stop signals are originally a European phenomenon....

Well, that’s pretty decisive. Personally, I’d take either of them, with a slight advantage given to the Mazda just for the low mileage. But they’re both good little cars. Today we’ve got a sedan and a wagon, both V6s, both American, both coincidentally dead nameplates. But both cars are still very much alive and kicking. Let’s see which one you prefer. 1988 Olds Cutlass Cruiser – $2,400 Engine/drivetrain: 3.8 liter OHV V6, 4 speed automatic, FWD Location: Lafayette, CO Odometer reading: 219,000 miles Runs/drives?...

Welcome to The Morning Dump, bite-sized stories corralled into a single article for your morning perusal. If your morning coffee’s working a little too well, pull up a throne and have a gander at the best of the rest of yesterday. Quantron Announces Massive New Hydrogen Trucks Hydrogen’s been experiencing a bit of a rebirth in recent months. From the hydrogen hybrid Hyundai N Vision 74 to news of a hydrogen-powered BMW X5, this renewed interest in fuel cells should make up for some of the shortcomings of batteries....

Do you allow a lone tear acknowledging the aching beauty to track silently down your cheek? Do you gasp, a deep, ragged gasp of near-erotic pleasure? Do you find a drink just so you can perform an appreciative (and directed harmlessly to the side) spit-take? Do you collapse to your knees and weep, openly and unashamedly, as you proffer yourself to this shockingly well-packed trunk? Any of these responses is appropriate, I think....

Easy, easy, stop being so horny on main, dude. Get a grip. Anyway, that Fairlane from that angle has all those key traits: bulging headlight eyes, a gaping open mouth with a bumper underbite, and an unhinged, hungry leer. Be careful, lady. I don’t trust that car. This silliness is precisely why. https://tenor.com/view/futurama-bender-eyes-gif-25647365 Putting a whole new positive spin on the “…You and the horse you rode up on…” meme Thought I was being all clever and stuff and you beat me to it!...

These were pretty sinister-looking cars, I always thought, with their inscrutable eyeless faces, long hoods and that sweeping arc of a character line coming from the front side of the rear wheelarch. I also like how the three-speed auto for these was called a Merc-O-Matic, because that’s a hell of a lot of fun to say. Merc-O-Matic, Merc-O-Matic. None of this explains why this lady looks so disgusted with me, though....

My friend in LA just took ownership of a Morris Minor project, and I’m so excited to see it up and running. These are such charming little proper puttering cars. Also, I think they’re one of that class of car where the second-generation redesign actually made the car look significantly better. Remember, the Minor started life with its headlights down low as the Morris Minor MM from 1948 and in 1953 the Series II moved them up into the fenders: Personally, I think the higher-headlight version has a much more appealing face, even if the double chrome trim around the grille is kind of strange....

Maybe it’s just the idea that beach parking is no worry if you’re willing to just drive up to the very edge of the motherflapping water and just call it good enough? Honestly, I bet it has more to do with the fact that today the entire staff is heading out to Los Angeles and I have to try and keep the illusion that everyone is here and everything is running just fine until I have to hit the airport this afternoon....

The Rabbit wins! Though in this version of the story, it’s the hare that’s slow and steady. The VW is one of very few cars you could probably drag-race against that Metro and lose. The ’80s are back! Whether it’s Stranger Things, RADwood, or re-releases of Tamiya and Kyosho classic radio-control models, the nostalgia train has parked at the 1985 station and it’s not showing any signs of moving. The only problem with this, for those of us who lived through it, is that we’re constantly reminded just how very long ago it was, and how little progress we’ve made....

From the front, you might be forgiven for thinking that Rick Moranis got his hands on a Honda Civic Hatchback. Yes, the exploded blobfish nose makes an appearance here, for better or for worse. If you ever wondered how Lexus would evolve the spindle grill, it looks like we now have an answer. Honestly, I don’t hate it. The wavy edges of the grille are gloriously weird, plus the low height of the grille really helps visually ground the RX to the ground....

Welcome to The Morning Dump, bite-sized stories corralled into a single article for your morning perusal. If your morning coffee’s working a little too well, pull up a throne and have a gander at the best of the rest of yesterday. Ford Is Reportedly Killing The U.S.-Market Transit Connect It sounds like trouble might be brewing in small commercial van paradise. Automotive News reports that Ford plans on making 2023 the last model year for the Transit Connect in America....

Oof. Sorry, Porsche fans, but the consensus is that the 914 is just too much work to bring back, jackstand collection or no. Besides, Sixties vans are just too cool to ignore. Right then: Today we have a faded American icon, and a cheeky Japanese import. What do they have in common? Four wheels, two doors, and… well, that’s about it, really. But hey, I’ve seen marriages work with less....